Full transparency: It has been a long year so far. Being in my 3rd Year as an Assistant Principal it’s almost like I started my career all over, I can’t help but think about my journey. Insert over share. Personal. And TMI. But, let’s just be real for a moment…this is a hard profession regardless of your role. And it’s not always glamorous and mostly, you will never fit in a box in your personal or professional life.
This is an honest little letter to those 30 something’s that are new administrators, but probably could speak to any strong minded female:
B.M.R (Before Mrs. Ramirez)
I got married 11 days after my 21st birthday after dating my high school sweetheart for 5 years. We graduated high school together- (Go Hurricanes!) then went to UCF together (Go Knights!) We didn’t live together- he lived the fun college life and I worked 40 hours a week, did an internship, and went to school at night. We got married our last year of college, and the real hustle began.
Marriage is hard- But the last year of college is FOREAL hard. We learned how to balance check books, and time, and how NOT to cook rice, how to separate laundry, how to get away with having a small grill in a one-bedroom apartment patio- 
and how he should just hang his own shirts up. We learned. Then we moved to a small town because it was time for my REQUIRED full time internship and I wouldn’t be able to earn the money I was earning with my full time job- in addition to the required internship. (let’s talk about that… seriously? Educators already make pennies then you require them to do a full time internship that is unpaid? This is not okay.) We boxed our little one bedroom Orlando apartment up and moved back to rural Citrus County. BUT IT WAS JUST TEMPORARY. We were just renting. And then, I loved the school I was interning at. I loved my brothers soccer games. And I loved my family coming over for dinner and coffee. I loved hosting all family events and being surrounded by family. And I loved stopping at my Gramma’s beauty salon for coffee on Friday mornings before reporting to my internship. 
It wasn’t supposed to go like that- we had a big city plan, and fell in love with a small town. What??? Internship over. We graduate college from UCF. He has a Finance degree and I have an Education degree. Couldn’t be more opposite. (side bar, I remember sitting in one of his classes with him and I actually for a hot minute thought it was being taught in a totally unknown language.) {See Image below, a post on my Facebook as I was sitting in his lecture hall.}
2 years married, no jobs, and no plan—We decide to take a risk and use our graduation money to travel Europe with a huge book bag. We have so much fun. Learned so much about culture and that H&M has everything you forgot to pack because in May it is crazy cold everywhere but in Florida. 
Oh-and that volcanoes erupt and that the best laid plans are bound to be changed- you would’ve thought I would’ve learned here that I can’t control everything. Negative, Ghost Rider. I’d have to learn this lesson 25 more times. (Still learning this.) We get off the plane after 2 weeks of European adventures- and my brain is just going a mile a minute (my standard move after a relaxing experience… bring us right back into real life with my worries and hypotheticals.) What if we don’t have job? What if I am going to have to learn to love Ramen noodles? What if I have to rent a room from my parents? And on and on my irrational brain went. As we step off the plane, I get a call from the principal of the school I interned at.. ‘Ashlynn, I’ve been trying to get ahold of you, we want to offer you the job here as a first grade teacher!’ I think we drove from the airport to Target’s dollar section. Ecstatic. Little did I know, my whole life would forever be changed. Small town, here we come. Chris got a job at a bank soon after, right down the street from my school. PS- the school I worked at for five years is the elementary school Chris and his sister attended. #SMALLTOWNAMERICA Introducing Mrs.Ramirez or as most would say, ‘Mrs. Mah-Reer-Ez,’ or my favorite, ‘Mrs. Rodriguez,’ Or my absolute personal fave, ‘Mrs-whoa- you-don’t-look-like- a-Ramirez!’ (This would be the first of many unspoken prejudice/ignorance we would face in a small rural town made up of 93.3% people who classify as White.)
The First 5:
I remember when I first started teaching- I used to work so many hours. The school would be locked and Chris would come and knock on the main school doors with coffee and hand, but also to give me a hand on whatever project I was working on. He would find me standing on tables, taking the legs off tables, rewiring my own technology, reorganizing my room, gradin papers, setting up anchor charts, cutting things, creating Google classrooms, recording my lessons for my flipped lesson, reorganizing my classroom library, sitting on the floor planning my small groups for the week, and the list goes on as it does for teachers around the country. 
Most of my friends by this point, had their own babies- meanwhile I was still getting the ‘Aw, you teach elementary school kids’ sympathetic looks from their friends as I was sipping Caprisuns at their children’s first and second and third birthday parties. Yep. That’s me, and YES I’ll take some Barbie cake. (Somehow my husband always got out of those parties.) My babies were my firsties. And that was okay with me.
Ash Can’t Sit Still Pt. 2: Skype Around the World, Celebrity Readers, Flipped Classroom,Co-Teach and…..
No but seriously: here’s my 4 years of life on a cute little blog:
My Super Extra Blog
After a few years, and taking many risks in the classroom- I found balance(ish) and re-shifted and put many hours in my brother and niece and family- which fulfilled my soul in a different way. I was making the newspaper and in a small town- teachers are incredibly respected. Almost like heroes. Chris and I traveled often, that is how we spent any time we had. We saved money and traveled our hearts out. Anyways- On a vacation- Chris decided he wasn’t happy at the bank. He wasn’t fulfilled. He talked about how much he loved visiting my room. My passion. My excitement. He wanted that. Because we had no kids, we could afford this risk. (We could’ve made it work with kids, don’t get me wrong… the risk would’ve have to have been much more calculated.) He reached out to a few principals and within a few months, this small town had another educator! This was the best choice for him- and what a blessing for the middle school he was at. He brought technology and passion to a mathematics classroom.
Because, I can never sit still…(and sadly in education, you cannot move up without another degree) I then decided to earn my masters and had to find balance in order to put dinner on the table, find time to enjoy life, be at my brother’s games, and also complete my career goals.
Shortly after, in my 5th year-I was fortunate enough to experience the Teacher of the Year excitement the last year I was in my former district which was such a whirlwind. Named Teacher of the Year for the school, Then the district, then was named a state finalist. It required interviews, classroom observations, recording my classroom, meetings, and events. What an amazing experience, I met so many beautiful people along the way. 
When I became a top 5 finalist for the state of Florida, it was a huge compliment- not that we need affirmations in education but it felt like a true affirmation. I learned my voice mattered and that there were teachers all around the country who needed someone to advocate for them- and to celebrate the fact that they didn’t fit in a box.
At the end of the year- my brother graduated high school, and my family was in a good place- we knew in our hearts, that season fulfilled its purpose and it was time to appreciate it fully- and embrace a new adventure. 
We then decided to move to Orlando to further our career and gain new experiences- and boy did we. This small town experience- I wish for everyone to experience it, the good and the bad and all in between. It built me. It grew me. And it will forever be a part of my life. I made connections that were like family- and I will always be grateful-but it was time for me to experience something new.
Rural Elementary to Inner-City High School:
Can’t Sit Still Part 55: Amidst a few options, my soul needed change and to learn- I needed to grow- we took a risk and ventured to the world of high school, in an inner-city, poverty stricken school. What a drastic difference and true leap of faith it was. While it was one of the most challenging (emotionally and physically) experiences of my whole life thus far- I am so thankful I had the chance to experience it all with my best friend and husband. First day on a high school campus as an AP Teacher and Literacy Coach and Student Mentor—- I again- felt like I was starting my career all over again. I was in my fifth year of education but felt like I was starting from scratch in unchartered territory. I went all in. Took risks. Learned about myself. Threw out plans and started from scratch once I knew the kids and adults behind the plans. Learned about others. Learned to craft my skill in a different way. Learned about buy in, and the need for it in any successful position. Together, Chris and I learned about communities we knew nothing about and the students and families that made up the school. We learned about building relationships with colleagues and students- and how vital it is. We saw the stress of education and how alive prejudice and racism still is— and it’s ugly effect on systems in school- and the students that fill the buildings and communities. Going to this school- was a jump of faith and after a year…I knew (while I learned so much and was pushed way beyond my comfort zone) that it was time for change. I cried. I questioned. I hurt for things (and people) I couldn’t change. I advocated for kids and teachers until I was blue in the face. I faced ignorance and looked hate in the eye- but through it all can say I truly grew as a person, as a woman, as an educator, and as a leader. I won. And oh- I lost. But amidst the pain that comes with working in a high needs school- I didn’t give up. I refused to. The amazing kids from this school still reach out to me when they are home on break- and this touches my soul. Some of them have driven to my school to see me- and some have even taken city buses to surprise me. (Which is really freaking far, by the way.)
It is a chapter of my life that sometimes hurts to read sometimes because it is hard to not go to the hard parts of the story- but overall it’s a beautiful chapter of growth and learning. Perspective.
College and Career Counselor:
Things and people are a part of your life for a season- and I knew my season here fulfilled its purpose. I was excited about taking my learning to a bigger level. I was very involved with my brother when he was applying to college- and made him spreadsheets to help him stay organized. I found myself using this when I taught seniors and also when I was in this role. (You learn everything for a reason.) I worked for a few months as a College and Career Counselor at the same school and then was blessed with an opportunity to become an Assistant Principal at another high school. Even in that short couple of months as a College and Career Counselor- I learned so much and did my best to observe and put systems in place that would outlast me or anyone in that position. 
I wiped the tears off my face, and stuffed the balloons, the cakes, the cards into my car- looked at all the kids crying and waving me off in the parking lot. Cried the whole way down OBT. On to the next adventure. When we went to the graduation ceremony for that school- 6 months later (mind you, I was only the college and career specialist for 2 months- and doubted my purpose- and left these kids to go to a whole new school) My husband is poking me and saying, listen…. what! Real life- I was one of the first people that the valedictorian thanked in her speech. Humbling.
{If you would’ve asked my elementary, construction paper cutting, glue loving, read aloud obsessed self if I would ever be the Assistant Principal of a High school where there is almost 3500 students and 200+ staff members- my eyes would’ve gotten so big and I would’ve laughed.}
2nd Year as a High School AP:
Here I am- my 2nd Year as an Assistant Principal. My first year- I came in two months after the year started, right in time for a Hurricane, a little fire, and was put over an entire department that my ELA heart knew nothing about… MATHEMATICS. What is crazy is- As a teacher I didn’t fit in the box. I was always trying new things, researching, reflecting, and sometimes I was judged for being out of the box. I can’t help but remember- My very first year of teaching, I took the legs off of a table and brought pink lawn chairs in- it was my version of flexible seating before that was a real thing. But boy did I get some ‘what is she doing? That doesn’t make sense’ looks. My 2nd Year I was using an iPad to record my math lessons and emailing the links to my students in advance… before flipped classroom was a thing. Other colleagues and admin were like, ‘I don’t get it. Why would you waste time doing that when you can just teach the whole class tomorrow? I remember my 2nd year choosing NOT to use the textbook. Oh my goodness, I was called in for a ‘meeting,’ my team was so upset that I steered away from the day by day scripted textbook. But I KNEW my students needs differed so much that they needed hands on, standards-based, differentiated instruction. I was a lone island that year, my team was angry with me because I refused to fit in the box or make my sweet babies fit in one too. My kids displayed tremendous growth that year, but it hurt me along the way to feel so alone and unsupported. Then the next year- we were told to differentiate our instruction and use the book as only a resource. Full honesty- the gratification was real. The next year, I gave my kids time each day to pursue their passion- structured time for them to build, sing, learn to play guitar, take apart old computers, build ramps for their cars, blog, write poetry, etc. as research proved that being given set time each day to pursue their passion would help enhance other areas. Boy did this make some colleagues and admin angry/confused. I knew it was amazing and worth the risk. I had first graders blogging and Using iPods to learn- other colleagues didn’t get it appreciate us doing different things- unconventional things. I just wish other teachers felt brave enough to take these risks for their kids. They deserve it. The results are incomprehensible. (You can check this out in my blog under Genius Hour) News flash… I am still unable to fit in a box as an administrator. I still try crazy things. I still go to extreme measures to make progress with my teachers and kids. Young administrator- it’s okay to not fit in the box. You were made to reshape he box for other non-conforming unconventional educators coming your way. be their person. Support them and their risk-taking. You will be better for it, the teacher will do even greater things, and the kids in the class will greatly benefit. Reshape the box.
It has been a journey, but I honestly believe that everything we go through prepares us for something to come in our lives. I am so thankful for where I am- and who I’m with. At the end of last year, I was faced with a chance to give up Math and move to a department (content) I felt more comfortable with, and in my heart of hearts I knew I could not. We made so much progress, and grew so much as a unit. They are part of my village- part of my family. Instead of being on the floor preparing small group instruction, and rearranging my classroom for an activity- I am studying Math standards, the Algebra and Geometry EOC, and the scope and sequences that tie them together. Once a teacher…
Real Deal- Don’t Let Anyone Make You Choose:
Most days are not easy- but I take something away from each day. Colleagues come in my office and tell me they want to go into administration- they actually say- I have inspired them, that they want to do what I do… nobody prepares you for the humility comments like that bring you. A teacher recently said he wanted to do what I do, but that I make him feel like he doesn’t do enough- with all I do. I instantly reflected on how my life looks from the outside… and felt awful. I think sometimes we showcase a reality that isn’t real. And then I thought, I heard a podcast recently that said, ‘people don’t post their shi*.’ True story. I try to over share positive things happening in education, because I’ve seen first hand the ugly things that can exist in education. But if I’m being real- I have to be transparent- there is nothing glamorous about long days, eating school lunches, and having the custodian walk you out since he is locking up the school. I am getting better about balancing- and officially making a conscious effort on the art of balance. I first had to define what balance looks like to me- I had to silence the many voices that told me what a wife, a mom, a woman should be. I had to accept that I will not choose between being a ‘career woman’ and a ‘mom/wife.’ Nor should any new administrator or person in general. I go through challenging things in life- like recently when I lost my Grandma, I was so thankful to have a job that will take countless hours of physical work and emotional work. I needed it. I needed the days to go by, but have realized that I don’t have to do all or nothing. I don’t have to be ALL 7-4:30 PM and I surely don’t have to be ALL 7-10:30 PM… I choose, based off the need and my personal life needs. I choose. We always have a choice. I work a lot. My husband isn’t sitting at home sad- waiting for me to come home, this is the 21st century, if I’m late, he makes something, and vice-versa. We are not perfect. I am not perfect. But we are okay with this version of life- And that is more than okay to me. 
Oh, Snap…. Ashlynn isn’t working? What!
I made a big personal choice to not work Spring Break- and while shocked, people were supportive of me doing this. In fact, one teacher texted me and said ‘I’m telling everyone not to respond to you- you’re on vacation!’ I’m so thankful for my little tribe to check in on me, support me, and provide me with guidance on balancing. It felt good relaxing with my husband- I laughed and cried and truly gained a new perspective. I have nor will I ever fit in a box. I will always be the ‘have we considered this’ person in every meeting and conversation. I will always be the one that teaches kids but doesn’t have them to come home to just yet. I have always lived with my head in the clouds heart broken by cultural barriers and racism, haunted by the urgency of education, fighting like Heck for underdogs- that’s just me. I question practices all the dang time. I barged in the door and claimed a seat at the table of tradition at a young age and started questioning things and advocating/fighting for those people who don’t fit in the box of ‘one or the other.’ I’ll always be packing my lunch for three- one for me, one for my husband, and one massive one for any teacher or student that comes in my office hungry. (When I actually pack my lunch and don’t rely on vending machines or school lunches.) Yep. That’s all of my almost 31 year old, married for almost 10 year self. I will always see the BOX and push it to the side to make it my own. Be okay with the side eyes and looks you may receive. When you’re unconventional, and disagree with the majority of traditional thinkers and ideals- you are bound to live in the side-eye territory of life. Be aware of it- but, for the love of everything- Don’t take it personal. (Still working on this-because, let’s be real, sometimes it hurts.)
And I refuse to feel bad about it anymore:
I am 30- almost 31. I don’t have biological kids. I work until late hours of the night. Sometimes I go home at 4, make dinner, and nap before dinner! Sometimes we eat cereal for dinner. Sometimes we eat concession stand hotdogs. Sometimes my husband doesn’t come to games with me… yes we are okay, no we don’t appreciate your ‘is everything okay’ judgement. Because, no matter what I’m going to say yes. My real response is- ‘yes. Fine. He is currently at a bar watching a game, or watching the Office, he’s okay. I’m okay. We are okay.’ WE don’t fit in a box- and that is okay. I am used to being really good at what I do, (and always looking like I do) and having it all figured out… and for the first time in my life, I am no longer ashamed in admitting that I don’t have it all figured out- but I am currently making peace with the ‘figuring it out’ phase. We are working on balancing- which I think is all a normal part of adulting. We are working on figuring out what comes next in our version of adulting. We are deciding to laugh through the process and most of all to be more deliberate about our choices. We are almost 31. We make decisions. We change our minds. A kid at my old school said.. ‘Misssssss, by the time you’re have a baby you gonna have arthritis.’ LOL… he’s probably not wrong. Another kid at my current school.. ‘I say she’ll drop one by 33.’ In my mind I thought- Drop it like a record or a new song… by 33. They may be onto something. Until then I’ll love on my school babies, my perfect niece, my teachers, and on my friends perfect babies. No disrespect (and maybe this comes from a small town complex) but just because I’m married and 30 doesn’t meant I want to be asked WHEN I’m having my OWN baby. I have entertained that question for almost 10 years. Plus, I don’t like the words ‘your own.’ No offense to anyone’s ideas of what my life should look like, but right now I’m okay with the way it is- my husband, a whole bunch of teachers and kids, MY PERFECT NIECE, my family, and my friends babies -oh, and a geriatric dog (he’s 17, like for real) giving me the love I need. That’s my life now- and that’s okay with me.
We take risks. We pay way too much for rent. (Big city dreams!) And people in education don’t make enough money. (Another story- another blog post.) But, as a new administrator in my 30’s (yep, I said that) we are figuring it out. I don’t know exactly what I want my life to be just yet. And that is okay.
Embrace the Cliche & Find a Tribe:
There will always be work to do- and in the profession of education, the work will ALWAYS be critical and urgent. All of this to say- balance when you need to, work relentlessly when you just need to, appreciate where you are- and appreciate the scars you have to show for it. Don’t feel bad about your choices, own them- and keep your head held high. In the last couple of years I have found a tribe in the most unexpected places- people offering sincere input, sitting in my office until I come back just to say HI, worrying about me, picking me up, making me smile, checking on me, making me send pics of me in my car to prove I’ve left.. etc. TRIBE. Find one. Love them. Appreciate their investment in you and your wellbeing.
Real Spill: Education is NOT for the Weak:
Life is not freaking easy. Guard your heart. Stop caring that you don’t fit in a box. Breakdowns happen. Emotions are real- and pretending their not or their place is on the back burner only creates a puddle of hurt for later on (when you least expect it.) Heartbreak hurts. Disappointments shatter. Trust isn’t easy- and sometimes you give it to the wrong person. Anxiety creeps up when you least expect it.Imperfections are okay-people will judge you anyways. Regrets happen- but we have to learn to wears the scars like a badge of honor. The past needs to be appreciated and then left in the past- there is no place for nostalgia or sadness in your day to day. People won’t always get you- they won’t always understand you— this is so OKAY. Make peace with it- the good and the ugly. Not everyone is supposed to like you- and that is okay. Nobody has life figured out yet. As cliche as it is- find happiness within the journey- with your journey, not everyone else’s opinion of your journey. Be an administrator who sees those young teachers taking risks, stepping out of the box and freaking CELEBRATE THEM. Be proud of them. Build them. Protect them. Encourage them. Support them. And, new administrator- remember when you took those risks in the classroom- remember when you realized you didn’t fit in the box… continue to find that spirit in you. Be okay wit that. Do great things. Defy odds. The world needs more unconventional. At the risk of sounding too cliche- DO. YOU.
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